All too soon, it's over.

Well, we already know what I did on Monday.

So, fast-forward to Wednesday, when I dragged myself outta bed at 7am to head down to ECP with Petripoo, Rui, Big K, Yalan, Jean and Agatha for a spot of sun and fresh air. I only realised when I reached there how long I hadn't been down to ECP - felt nostalgic remembering the VJ days and the AHM training. Well, ok, more nostalgic about the VJ days than the Army days, but all the memories came back anyway.

Ended up renting bicycles for a couple of hours and cycling down the stretch. The weather was surprisingly cool; the clouds were mostly out and we didn't get much direct sun, to my delight but to Petripoo's dismay. Cycled a bit, stopped a bit, took some random shots, and basically watched the day turn from late morning to early afternoon. After that, we had a quick lunch at Parkway Parade, then left the area - Rui and Jean had some psychometric test or something to go for.

Oh, yeah, the photos 2 entries ago were from the day at ECP.

Was supposed to go down to Mambo that evening, but I got nailed by a headache in the late afternoon. Tried to sleep it away, didn't really work, and so I had to pass. Ah wells.

On the bright side, because I was a good boy and stayed home and got a (relatively) early night, met up with Winston, Jean, Chloe, and Lester for breakfast at Bukit Timah market. Had a relaxing breakfast. Comfortable companionship and conversation - a good way to start the day. Unfortunately, nothing much at all was done during the day, despite valiant attempts to, uhm, get started on work. No real surprise there.

Drove down to the Indoor Stadium in the evening for Oasis, picking up Ziy and his sister along the way and getting horribly annoyed at the number of wrong turns I took. Still, got there on time, despite wasting much time on parking thanks to an enormous jam near the stadium itself.

Well, in a nutshell, Oasis rocked.

They didn't really work the crowd, and they didn't attempt to. Some muttered comments between songs, some posturing and swaggering, and that was it. The sound system was a bit iffy too - more than a couple of instances of feedback. And the crowd didn't really warm up to their renditions of songs from their more recent albums. But frankly, who really cared about these details when they launched into the anthems of our youth? Wonderwall, Champagne Supernova, Don't Look Back in Anger...it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that these were the songs that everybody had been waiting for. The energy and enthusiasm of the crowd when they launched into these old favourites was simply amazing. Words fail me - you had to be there. Left the place with my voice gone, my ears ringing, but thoroughly rocked out.

Spent most of Friday recovering.

Went to listen to a Coslabs presentation on Saturday afternoon, then headed down to school for Sheares Hall production. It was...ok. Pretty farcical, which was the intent, but there were wa-ay too many Singlish elements in a British play. So, it was funny, in a lame way, but it was also too localised, to the extent that different elements of the play didn't really gel. Still, it was an interesting enough way to spend an evening, and I did get to spend time with my lovely TGmates, so no loss at all.

On Sunday, I headed down to Lester's church to start a 40 Days of Purpose campaign. I'm praying that it'll be a 40 days of awakening, of revelation, of affirmation, of growth. Of finding true inner peace and purpose.

So, it was a friggin good break. Rest, relaxation, as well as lots of fun and activities. Pity it didn't last longer. Of course, the problem is that I didn't catch up on any work at all during the break - and there will be consequences. Still, no point worrying about that now; I'll just have to get back to the daily grind and get my act together.

Typically long post. Well, if you got this far, enjoy this link. The kid's speaking German, by the way.

Well, enough time spent on this; it's time to work on Crim.

Tired.

Current music: The Beach Boys

Ok, so I'm not really physically tired, but it's just a bunch of different things all hovering in my conciousness. And it's all mixed-up and messy and I don't see any resolution or closure to any of these things, and so they will just continue to remain in my mind, only surfacing in moments of silence. Haunting me in my solitude. Like now.

Sometimes, I go out for supper not just because I enjoy the company of my friends. It's also because I'm overly contemplative when I'm alone in the middle of the night. That's why I go for midnight drives in the absence of company. That's why I play dota into the wee hours. That's why I blast the music out loud and settle down with a good book until sleep overcomes me. Anything to keep the thoughts at bay, to keep them from overwhelming me. All the ifs and whys and hows and whens. All the memories. All the good times, the bad times. The right moves and the mistakes. The sum of my past experiences, and the uncertainty of the future.

Sometimes, I just want to silence to cacophony of thoughts and memories in my head.

Abang is relaked...on the surface. Deep down, abang is always thinking. And abang is not sure if he's truly relaked, or if it's just a facade. And even if he's truly relaked, abang is not sure if that's the way to go about doing things.

Y'all can wait until my next entry if (gasp) interested in what's been going on in my life.

Incidentally:

Lookin' poseur.

King Kong and Ann.

SMU poster.

Close-up: Jean, Petripoo and Rui.

Big K, with Yalan and Agatha.

I really enjoy hanging out with friends.

That's all, for now.

And now for something much less cryptic!

So, the memorial's over and done with, and man, it feels good to have finally cleared that bugbear. Break week's here and it's time for a breather; too bad there's so much work to catch up on. I guess I'll get started...uhm, tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow.

Had a great time hanging out with the Law VCFers and others yesterday. After lunch, we went to watch I Not Stupid Too. The movie wasn't bad - while I didn't like the moral judgement, the movie made some extremely sharp observations about our system and the way Singaporeans do things. Go watch it. And get your parents to go watch it too.

A few of us headed to Kbox after the movie. Fun stuff! I'd forgotten how fun karaoke can be; yesterday's session was a pleasant reminder. Sorta liberating to shout, err, sing along to your favourite songs with friends and without the fear of flying objects from less tolerant members of society. Pity it was so expensive, but I'm sure we can find some weekday night and take advantage of cheaper rates sometime in the future!

Also picked up volumes 1 and 2 of Fables. Friggin good stuff; takes your fairy tales of yore and puts a wicked spin, and all you can do is hold onto the ride and see which way it turns out. Smart, funny, and enormously entertaining. The only problem, of course, is that this means I'm now collecting 3 series in all, and I'm all out of Kinokuniya vouchers. Ah wells, another problem for another day.

-------------------------------------------

Also, because I got arrowed by Trissypoo and Petripoo:


4 things/people that make me smile:

1. The glow of friendship. Whenever I see friends, I'm smiling, even if you don't see it.
2. A really good book/graphic novel. Impossible to name 'em all, but Gaiman, Dick, and Herbert all come to mind.
3. On that note, good music. Ask me if you want to find out more about my taste. But, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Beatles, Travis, and the Beach Boys are all high up on the list.
4. T-shirts with cool captions/motifs. I guess it shows in the way I dress, hey?


4 ways to win my heart:

1. To accept me for what I am, but also to be brave enough to tell me about my flaws.
2. Must be able to talk to me. Random stuff, serious stuff, everything.
3. Personal space is important.
4. To just let me know that you care. That I mean something to you.


4 things I believe:

1. God has a purpose for you, for me, for everybody. For the world.
2. Love will lead the way.
3. Hold on, if you feel like letting go.
4. "Nobody's creepy from the inside, Hazel. Some of them are sad, and some of them hurt, and some of them think they're the only real thing in the whole world. But they're not creepy."
(btw, brownie points if you recognised the quote without googling)

4 things I'm afraid of:

1. Dying alone.
2. Not loving enough, and being loved.
3. Not living up to my purpose.
4. That I'll never know how to tell my family that I love them.


4 things/people I wanna see right now:

1. My buddies. It's been too long since we last hung out, my friends...
2. The Red Hot Chili Peppers, live in concert.
3. Broken Flowers. Because, uhm, I was supposed to watch it but didn't. And I like Bill Murray.
4. You. I know, this isn't supposed to be cryptic, but I changed my mind. Any requests for more information on this will be greeted with a polite silence =)


4 people who should also do this:
1. Magdelene, because it's something to keep your mind off the flu!
2. 2nd arrow for taupok. Just because.
3. Err, SML. Because you never ever update your blog anyway.
4. Ziy. You're on break too; you've got no excuse not to do this!


Have a good break, y'all!

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

It was twenty years ago today
Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play
They've been going in and out of style
But they're guaranteed to raise a smile
So may I introduce to you
The act you've known for all these years
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
We hope you will enjoy the show
We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Sit back and let the evening go
Sgt. Pepper's lonely, Sgt. Pepper's lonely
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
It's wonderful to be here
It's certainly a thrill
You're such a lovely audience
We'd like to take you home with us
We'd love to take you home

I don't really want to stop the show
But I thought that you might like to know
That the singer's going to sing a song
And he wants you all to sing along
So let me introduce to you
The one and only Billy Shears
And Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

Billy Shears!

What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away?
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day?
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)
No I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends

(Do you need anybody?)
I need somebody to love
(Could it be anybody?)
I want somebody to love

(Would you believe in a love at first sight?)
Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time
(What do you see when you turn out the light?)
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Oh I'm going to try with a little help from my friends

(Do you need anybody?)
I just need somebody to love
(Could it be anybody?)
I want somebody to love

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends
Oh I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends

Time-wasting.

Instead of finishing my my memorial, I wasted time on this site.

It actually sorta works. Sometimes.

Oddity.

It's been a fairly weird 24 hours. In this short span of time, I've encountered a face from the past, gone for an indie rock concert, and put myself under house arrest.

The funny thing is, I thought I'd settled that bit of my past. Then when that face appeared, my instinctive reaction was just...avoidance. You know the drill - look away, pretend like you didn't see anything, focus really intensely on the conversation at the table to the exclusion of your surroundings, etc. And that's weird. I thought I'd come to terms with it, that I was cool with it, when it turns out that maybe I'm still not ready.

The Franz Ferdinard gig turned out to be a pretty rockin' affair, which surprised me, considering I didn't know anything about their music before I stepped into the Indoor Stadium. Very high-energy, totally fun, and friggin tight drumming. Seriously. I've never really had the desire to pick up musical skills (the air guitar's an exception, but that's another story), but at that gig, I realised how friggin cool it's be if I could play the drums. Although it's probably a bad idea, given my hearing loss and my lack of co-ordination. But a guy can dream, hey?

Now I'm blogging from the confines of the study. Of course, the whole idea of confining myself in this room was so that I could work on the memorial with no distractions...so uhm...let's just pretend that I'm really working hard on the memorial, and that this blog post appeared of its own volition in response to my subconcious desire to express my thoughts. Yeah. The memorial's exerting an insidious influence on my typing, though - I now have the urge to double-space after every sentence. That. Sucks.

Anyway, back to work. I'll see y'all on the other side.

Ah Koh is damn bloody dulan.

Eh ok the whole lot of you listen up. Yah, you, all the zarbor and all the tapor. Why so many of you kids kaopei so much about that, what, "meh-moh-rea" ah? Don't understand your angmoh lah. I tell you ah, old man like me, see you young kids complain so much, I really buey tahan leh. Kids nowadays ah really complain too much. I tell you, you complain so much about this "meh-moh-rea" or whatever-rea, you don't know what is suffering. Whole lot of you got enough to eat and got place to sleep right? Not like those kids in Africa and all those places where they got no rice to eat right? Over there they don't know when they can next eat. Not like you kids. Live good life also don't know.

Got work to do, so what? Your father mother also got work to do what. Your friends also got work to do what. Lim peh also got work to do what. So what make you so special? You think your work very the hard is it? Yah right. I tell you, everyone also work hard. Everyone life not easy. Don't think you very special. Like that so fast want to give up already, next time how to be lawyer? Like that also useless lawyer. Earn so much money then only know how to complain. Like that, Ah Koh only got "N" level cert and everyday lim kopi downstairs, also know how to complain. Can do lawyer job for him. You kids are too lucky to complain. Want to fail also not so easy. Anyhow do and anyhow hand up at most get a C only. Still got 3 years to whack. Stupid lah. Want to worry then worry later. Now so early you all want to complain and worry and give up already, Ah Koh really buey tahan lah.

Also, my damn useless nephew, that Kal or Khel or Khal whatever, he want me to say that this is only what Uncle Koh say. Not he say one. Kids these days really damn bloody humji. Small small thing also scared other people hantam. He another useless one. His father mother give him a good name, he don't want to use, he want to use some funny funny angmoh name. Then whole day kaopei and complain about work. Ah Koh hear already until sibei buey tahan.

Ah Koh will now go downstairs and lim kopi. Whole lot of you better stop complaining. Bloody kids nowadays, everything also want to make noise.

Resolution.

Everything's been settled, and we're cool again. So. Learnt a lesson, and that's probably all that matters.

The problem now is the memorial. Ah shucks. Can't wait for it to be over, then I can get down to the very serious and important business of mid-sem break.

On a sidenote, if it's your sort of thing, happy Valentine's day, everyone.

Also, this is very cool.

The morning after.

Things are clearer now. Not very much better, but clearer.

My friends, the next time you see me lapse into arrogance...tell me. In my face. Or smack me. Same thing applies if I complain about someone else being arrogant.

Help me to change.

Quite disturbing when you think you know yourself but it turns out that you actually don't. Ah well, things will never be the same.

Thanks, the people who helped. You know who you are.

Ok.

I can't find the word to describe how I'm feeling but it's probably not a good word. If you happen to find the word, please pass it to me so that I can repeat it a few hundred times.

Ah, shit, whatever.

Actually:

The day turned out pretty decent, despite the bad start. Got away with not doing readings, had a good time hanging out with people, learnt some stuff here and there. Also, it turns out that the scratches I thought I'd caused last night were old scratches afterall - which means that I'm still (arguably) accident-free, and won't have to shell out for the paint job. And with all the upcoming expenses...I'm thankful for that.

Anyways, photos from the mahjong night.

Our lovely hostess.

Know your mushrooms.

Quizzical K.

The aunty, the young kid sticking out his tongue, and the (insert defamatory comment) dude.

...no, I don't know what's that on Bert's face. And I don't wanna know.

Mag, Pet and Rui, in the Japanese attic. Pet's in glasses!! Should have bought 4D to commemorate this rare event. Or called the media. Or something.

I don't care if Monday's blue...

...but Tuesday and Wednesday better not be grey too. Not a very good start to the day: first, I overslept and ended up rushing like mad. Didn't help that eyes hurt like crazy. Had a quick breakfast, then went out to the car, where I realised that I'd scratched the front right bumper of the car last night by taking a turn too fast and almost mounting the kerb. I'll be paying for the paint job, of course. My first real accident; on the other hand, if you count buanging with no damage done as an accident, it's my second accident in the span of one week. Hooray. To top it all off, I had another near miss on the journey to school, which really didn't help the mood. Then again, I won't let all this nonsense affect the rest of the day. Because I've got miles to go before I sleep.

-------------------------------------------

In other news, played mahjong at Rui's place on Saturday night. Mag's right - Rui has a great place! So much space, and it has a friggin cool Japanese-influenced attic. Tatamis, rockery, a matching katana and wakizashi set - Rui's dad has exquisite taste. We played majong until the wee hours of the night, then went up to the attic to talk rubbish until we dozed off. Went to Mac's for a late breakfast, toyed with the idea of heading down to New Creation with Mag and Tris, eventually realised that the timing was difficult and didn't manage to make it to church this week. Ah well, not good at all.

Drove down to Aloha Loyang in the evening for Mr. Teo's baby's first birthday celebrations. The baby is very very cute and active. Seriously. Cheerful, energetic, and good with strangers - Mr. Teo and his wife have been truly blessed with such an adorable baby!

Cheryl, Miah, Zhengkang, Vic, MR. Teo, Mich, Liz, Me.

Anyways, it was a pretty good gathering - good food, great weather, and we got to catch up with each others' lives. Hard to believe that Cheryl and Jiayin are graduating already this year - talk about time catching up on us. We're getting old...

Random shots.

Shan'er, Me, Roy, Da, Mark, and Kokleong, outside IndoChine.

The homies. With some chick.

Tee Gee Ate.

Default faces / serious looks.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Assorted Happenings.

So, CNY has come and gone in the blink of an eye, and it's back to the daily grind. Was a good break; got to catch up with my relatives, totally stuffed myself with goodies, and didn't touch any work for a few days. Of course, the lack of work done is catching up on me now, but that's a choice I made, so I'll live with it.

In other news, I found out that a niece of mine is studying in NUS Arts. No comments about how I'm an old fart! She just happens to be my Dad's elder brother's son's daughter. My Dad's the second youngest son in his family; and the age gap between him and his elder brothers is so great that he ends up having cousins around his age, who end up having kids almost my age. Therefore, I get to have nephews and nieces at the tender age of 21.

That doesn't mean that it doesn't feel weird, though. At least I don't have nephews/nieces who are older than me, unlike my brother.

Also headed down to Lawllipop aka Law Bash last night at IndoChine. Not bad at all; good music, good decor, and most importantly, good company. Unfortunately, I don't have an obligatory defamatory picture of Tris; promising to watch out for him and getting him drunk are mutually exclusive events. Ah well, I'm sure another opportunity will present itself in good time. Afterall, that's what homies are for!

The only problem with Lawllipop, of course, was the morning after. Note to self: going for Legal Theory class on 5 hours of sleep with readings undone is not a good idea. Especially when there's LAWR tutorial later in the day and no time to hide somewhere and crash. At least I wasn't hung over; the need to stay lucid throughout the night ensured miminal alcohol intake.

Photos will be uploaded when I get my grubby paws on them.

Drivin'.

There's something oddly liberating about driving alone in the middle of the night. The empty roads, the passing lights, the low purr of the engine. A reflection of how I'm driving my life through the vastness of creation, stretching to infinity and beyond. How I'm in control of my personal destiny, in this crazy world where nothing seems certain, where answers are elusive and I'm still trying so very hard to lead a Christian life, in thought and word and deed.

It's the thinking that's the hardest. To shed the ways of the world and adopt a truly Christian worldview. It's in the little things. Like how there's no such thing as "luck", only God's will. How there's no "gut feeling", only the Holy Spirit speaking to us. How God's truth is not the same as intellectual pursuit - while we can gain insights into this truth through intellectual pursuit, not all intellectual pursuit leads to God's truth.

But I'll keep trying. Because ultimately, it's about the decisions I make. It's about the way I choose to shape my life, not let external events shape my life for me. It's about finding and fulfiling my true purpose with the time I've been given.

How are you driving your life?