Why I don't blog anymore.
When I started this blog, it was because I wanted a repository of memories. I've never been very good at writing down my thoughts. All attempts at a diary or journal of sorts have petered out. And so I started typing down my thoughts online. Because, at the end of the day, I just find it easier to type than to write. The words flow better, as the fingers fly over the keyboard and let the mind wander.
Then there's the ease of editing - well, it's a bane and boon at the same time. Convenient, yes, but at the same time, the ability to reorder my words so easily means that I might very well be obscuring the true meaning of what I say. The meaning I intend at each instance, at the beginning of each sentence, covered up by polished editing. Diminishing the impact of raw, unadulterated thoughts, in all their ungrammatical and unwieldy beauty.
Another thing I'm bad at is organising my papers; a glance at the stacks of papers on my desk confirms this. And I only moved in less than 2 years ago. The ease of an online archive, where everything would be sorted out and accessible with a simple click...that appealed to me. And so it seemed like the best option available.
This blog started out personal. Then I got to know more people, and I started giving out the link, and I realised that there are just some things I could not say on what appeared to be a more and more public blog. The innermost thoughts, the private feelings. And so it became a rather descriptive blog - "yay, I went where and did what and I felt this way". It started to lack depth.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just not quite what I started out to do. It was supposed to be my story, not some pretty collection of "what I did during my holidays". It was meant to be introspective and intellectually stimulating. It was meant to be a challenge, even for myself.
The avenue was still open for me to post so-called intellectual discourses, though. I don't have a problem with reasoning and logic (if I do have a problem, it's that I over-analyse things). But, the simple reason why such posts have dwindled to a trickle is because I've been too lazy.
Yes, lazy. Not busy or tired. Lazy.
Too lazy to just sit down and type for a while, reading and editing and sharpening the phrases, the sentences. Too lazy to take pride in what I show to the world. Too lazy to, well, put in the effort. And so this blog has started to die off, with only the occasional token post to keep the blog in a state of suspended animation, a sort of unlife. Not quite alive.
And the irony is that I still have the desire to write. So many more stories to tell. So many opinions to express. The time I felt God, after months of wandering. The theory of semantics and communication that I worked out with Mark, the other time. (Which I hope I haven't forgotten the fine details of.) The Internship. School, in general. All the experiences I go through.
But I'm just lazy.
So what happens now? I don't quite know. For now, this blog is still semi-alive. But I do need the impetus to write, to post. I have no idea when or where the desire will strike me.
For now, this is just an explanation, for what's been going on, for why the posts have stopped. But for now, here's a promise: I will post about the stories I mentioned above. Sometime, eventually.
And while I left this post in draft mode and forgot about it for a couple of days, something new came up. SEP results are in. I've a place in Copenhagen.
A new beginning, perhaps.
Then there's the ease of editing - well, it's a bane and boon at the same time. Convenient, yes, but at the same time, the ability to reorder my words so easily means that I might very well be obscuring the true meaning of what I say. The meaning I intend at each instance, at the beginning of each sentence, covered up by polished editing. Diminishing the impact of raw, unadulterated thoughts, in all their ungrammatical and unwieldy beauty.
Another thing I'm bad at is organising my papers; a glance at the stacks of papers on my desk confirms this. And I only moved in less than 2 years ago. The ease of an online archive, where everything would be sorted out and accessible with a simple click...that appealed to me. And so it seemed like the best option available.
This blog started out personal. Then I got to know more people, and I started giving out the link, and I realised that there are just some things I could not say on what appeared to be a more and more public blog. The innermost thoughts, the private feelings. And so it became a rather descriptive blog - "yay, I went where and did what and I felt this way". It started to lack depth.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just not quite what I started out to do. It was supposed to be my story, not some pretty collection of "what I did during my holidays". It was meant to be introspective and intellectually stimulating. It was meant to be a challenge, even for myself.
The avenue was still open for me to post so-called intellectual discourses, though. I don't have a problem with reasoning and logic (if I do have a problem, it's that I over-analyse things). But, the simple reason why such posts have dwindled to a trickle is because I've been too lazy.
Yes, lazy. Not busy or tired. Lazy.
Too lazy to just sit down and type for a while, reading and editing and sharpening the phrases, the sentences. Too lazy to take pride in what I show to the world. Too lazy to, well, put in the effort. And so this blog has started to die off, with only the occasional token post to keep the blog in a state of suspended animation, a sort of unlife. Not quite alive.
And the irony is that I still have the desire to write. So many more stories to tell. So many opinions to express. The time I felt God, after months of wandering. The theory of semantics and communication that I worked out with Mark, the other time. (Which I hope I haven't forgotten the fine details of.) The Internship. School, in general. All the experiences I go through.
But I'm just lazy.
So what happens now? I don't quite know. For now, this blog is still semi-alive. But I do need the impetus to write, to post. I have no idea when or where the desire will strike me.
For now, this is just an explanation, for what's been going on, for why the posts have stopped. But for now, here's a promise: I will post about the stories I mentioned above. Sometime, eventually.
And while I left this post in draft mode and forgot about it for a couple of days, something new came up. SEP results are in. I've a place in Copenhagen.
A new beginning, perhaps.
posted by khel at 2:46 AM
1 comments
